Sucker Punch
by Inanis Incedeco
Summary: Cullen gets punched. Repeatedly. It was Tumblr's idea.


_Author's Note: Was prompted for me on Tumblr (The prompter has specifically requested their name be withheld) for Leliana, Hawke, Merrill and Mara punching Cullen._

 _To the prompter: I'm sorry I couldn't work in Mara punching him. They're good friends, and I couldn't come up with a reason as to why she would punch him. Sorry. :(_

 _If you want to prompt me with a story, please leave a PM, leave a review, or search for greyassassin24 on Tumblr and go to the prompts tab._

Hawke

"Hawke, why do you support the Mages so much?"

Hawke turned to face Cullen, an exasperated look on her face. It had been a long day of juggling politics and fighting back the crime waves, and she was _not_ in the mood to deal with this.

"I don't." She said simply. "Mages are like anyone else. If I you're a good person, I like you, and will support you. If you try and hurt other people, I will hurt you in return. I judge them just the same as anyone else."

He shook his head. "You've never shown any sort of support for the Templars."

Hawke sighed. "Cullen, let me put it like this: I. Don't. Give. A. Fuck. Your Templar-Mage conflict is stupid, and petty, and I have bigger worries in my life. Currently, we have angry Qunari on our doorstep that are ready to pounce, and there's gangs completely overrunning Lowtown."

Cullen stepped forward. "We're up to our necks in Blood Mages. If you would just help us out, maybe we could have been able to save your mo-"

Hawke turned on a dime and punched Cullen square in the face, knocking him off of his feet and loosening a tooth. "Don't you talk to me about my mother, _Templar_. That man was loose because you and your Templars sat around on your arse, not giving a damn about real problems. You were too busy sitting around, jumping at shadows that aren't there. Now get. The Fuck. Out of my house."

Merrill

Hawke and Merrill had just been wed the previous day, and they soaking up every moment of their marriage thus far. Now they were sitting together in front of the fireplace, Merrill straddling Hawke's lap.

"I love you." Merrill whispered, kissing Hawke on the cheek.

"I love you more." Hawke giggled, and kissed Merrill on the nose. "What do you want to do today?"

Before Merrill could answer, a loud knocking came at the door.

"Orana!" Hawke called, not wanting to move from their lap cuddles. "Could you get that for me?"

She heard the elf practically run for the door, and turned back to smile at Merrill.

"I don't know. Did you have anything in mind?"

Hawke nodded. "Well, I thought I could take you out for a fancy Hightown lunch today. Just you and me. We could go to that Orlesian brasserie just down the street, or there's a lovely little bakery that I just adore, or-"

"Mistress." Orana said from behind them, cutting Hawke off, and the Champion turned in her chair. "It's someone who says he's here to see you, and he says that it's very important."

Hawke sighed. "Alright. Let him in." Merrill scooted off of her lap to let her stand.

"This better damn well be important." Hawke muttered angrily.

In the vestibule was that Templar boy, Cullen.

"Cullen?" Hawke groaned a little. "What are you doing here?"

He inclined his head a little. "I understand that congratulations are in order on your recent marriage."

She gave a slightly forced smile. She was annoyed at having someone interrupt one of the happiest days of her life. "Thank you." Merrill was right behind her, and held her hand, instantly making her smile genuine.

"I hope you know what you're doing." Her eyes narrowed at him. "We've heard reports that your Dalish is a Malificar."

"She's not." Hawke was adamant. It wasn't like they could do anything about Merrill anyways: Meredith had given Hawke complete protection from the Templars ever since she had risen to be a Champion, and her family was given the same protection, including her wife, but she still wanted to protect Merrill. "And yes, I know precisely what I'm doing."

He stepped forward, and she tensed a little. "Hawke, we can't prove anything, but I know, and it worries me. You're making a huge mistake with this."

Hawke opened her mouth to speak, but Merrill acted first. She released Hawke's hand, and stepped forward, slapping Cullen across the face.

"Don't you talk to my wife that way!" She practically growled, and both Hawke and Cullen were shocked by that.

Cullen stammered a little, and then turned and walked out.

"Wow." Hawke was in awe of her lover. "Thank you, Merrill." She kissed the petite Dalish on the nose. "Now, let's go out for that lunch."

Leliana

"Leliana!" Cullen shouted, and she rested her head in her hand. "What in the hell is wrong with you?! Why would you pull your scouts out?!"

They had just barely escaped Haven's destruction and, now that they had rescued the Herald, they were busy arguing over who's fault the destruction was.

"Cullen, we've been over this. I received reports that my agents were disappearing, so I pulled them back to assess what was happening, and see if anyone knew where the scouts went." She looked up. "And where were your soldiers during all of this? From what I heard, the Herald was out there, basically alone, manning all of your siege equipment."

"We were too busy being slaughtered, because they managed to take us completely by surprise."

Leliana was ready to scream. "And you think that you're the only one who was taken by surprise? That's why I brought my people back: Because I had no idea what was happening, and I was trying to figure it out. If I hadn't we just would have lost even more people. At least I had some sort of an idea that there was something coming, and managed to prepare a little."

"Your people are there to protect us and do their jobs, not run away at the first sign of danger!"

Leliana stepped forward, and punched him on the jawline. "Not everything can be fixed by throwing your people on their own blades."

He narrowed his eyes, but didn't say anything. She wearily sat back down, beside Josephine, and hung her head in sadness.


End file.
